Still undecided on who to vote for on May 9th?! You’re not alone! If all the usual parties, with their leaders and policies, bore you to sleep have I got the candidate for you! Ahem……ME! I promise a lot of awesome things in my campaign and you’ll can hear a few every afternoon on The Ara Show on KiSS RADiO leading up to the big day on Tuesday! If you’re all…SAY WHAAAAAAAAT?! Keep reading!

Just go about your normal day and let the election promises roll through one ear and out the other. I mean voting for the Ewok Party in the provincial election is the obvious way to go! Scroll down to read up on some of my campiagn promises and share with your undecided friends! – Ara

ara4premiergodhelpusall

 

If elected premier, forget a new toll bridge wiping out the Massey Tunnel, free Jetpacks for all! Paid for by the cities of Richmond, Delta and parts of Surrey. Cause why not?!
If elected premier, I’ll make sure hospital wait time boredom is cured by implementing cascading rope climbing walls up, and waterslides down, all floors cause hospital elevators are the WORST!
If elected premier, I’d make sure all Canucks season pass holders get free food and parking to take the burden off another year of most probably missing the playoffs. Accept it.
If elected premier, I’d make sure to set up automatic febreeze zones in and out of Prince George because have you smelled the mills? Nuff said.
If elected premier, anyone with truck nuts in Kamloops will automatically be charged IET. Indecent Exposure Tax. Get that douchery under control.
If elected Premier, I’d create a province wide zombie day to freak out unsuspecting tourists. How cool would that be?!
If elected Premier, I’ll challenge the NBA commissioner to a 1-on-1 game to bring back the Vancouver Grizzlies. It’s time. It’s damn time.
If elected Premier, I’ll reconstruct the boring parts of the Coquihalla highway into Mario Kart Race Tracks!
If elected Premier, just for fun, I’ll rename the Game of Thrones books to “The History of Canada” & make Donald Trump believe Canada has dragons. 
If elected Premier, I’ll make it a law that you can’t use your phone while on a date…because the C in B.C. stands for courtesy. 
If elected Premier, I’ll make the city of Fort St. John an actual fort made of pillows…as it stands now the name is kinda misleading. 
If elected Premier, I’ll make work days start at 10am…and if your employers want you to start earlier they have to give you a 25% raise. 
If elected Premier, I will add to education by hiring teachers to teach kids about mortgages, RRSP’s, and taxes. Why aren’t they doing this now!?
If elected Premier, I will insert a law that allows to puppies to visit your work place every 2nd Friday of the month. And if you’re good, they can come on Monday‘s too. “Who’s a good worker? You’re a good worker!”
If elected Premier, kids will be trained for free in a martial arts of their choosing…you know, just in case we do have a zombie apocalypse and we need the kids to help out.
If elected Premier, I will install a live, streamable karaoke TV booth at every bus stop and skytrain station so BC residents can entertain people all over the world cause, in the words of DJ Khaled: “We the best!”
If elected Premier, I will create zip-lines all around the city and every city in BC to help with traffic…ok zip-lines have nothing to do with traffic, I just think it would be cool!

If elected Premier, I will ask The Undertaker to come out of retirement AND CHOKE SLAM HOUSING PRICES STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!

Filed under: #araholics, Ara For Premier, BC Election, BC Poli, Election, Election 2017, Fun, Parody, Politics, Satire, The Ara Show